Photo by Alex E. Proimos


Let’s be honest: the dating scene is dreadful,

All those awkward first dates and creative attempts to find new places to meet quality guys are a pain to go through. Some are brave and will try to jump these hurdles but I’ve found that many people I know have chosen to give up. Unfortunately, there are a lot of folks who have never really tried, the saddest of all. I’m certain they feel like it is too late, that their time has passed, and regret opportunities lost.

This situation that many of my close friends find themselves in makes me ponder of the children I will one day have, specifically my daughter. What do I wish someone would have told me when I started dating? I realize that no matter how golden the wisdom shared, it is only useful heeded and I’ve got plenty of stubborn friends who are too scared to try something different from what they’ve always been doing. But if there’s even just one person out there who will benefit from what I have to say, then I will share it. This is the first of four posts with advice for you to chew on.

#1: Most guys are douche bags.

All the advice I have to share on this topic springs from this foundation. Men take a long time to grow up. From the age of zero to about thirty, especially today, guys are less than fully developed. Our culture no longer gives boys a real opportunity to go into the jungle alone and return to the village a man with a slain lion over his shoulders (that he indeed killed, not his buddy). With college and graduate school becoming the norm, boys are able to delay taking on adult responsibilities until they are at least 25, extending their fraternity life way past the point of expiration. Until they fully grow up, peer pressure will most likely fuel guys to value women only as conquests whom they tally up to impress their male friends. Most women would be turned off by this. Make no mistake: the only people impressed by a high number of sexual conquests are other men. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

The point is that a lot of guys in your life will play hot and cold. Don’t waste your time with those games, they are unhealthy and ultimately will erode your self-esteem. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache from these boys who just don’t know who they are yet. Weed them out of the pile.

#2: Don’t spend more effort on a guy than he is spending on you.

I’ve wasted years, and I mean YEARS of my life waiting around for crushes to give me the time of day. I’ve wasted a lot of brain power making excuses for their lack of attention, worrying if I’ve done something wrong and strategizing ways to make it right.

I did nothing wrong, all that strategizing would have been better spent focused on me, and I stopped making excuses for people who needed to take responsibility for their actions, or in other words, be adults! The boys who are worth spending your time on are the ones who will stress, strategize and worry about you just as much as you are! Not more, not less.

Part II comes Friday!

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