Flickr Photo by Dominic Lockyer

Flickr Photo by Dominic Lockyer


You want to scream, right?

You took the early train to work this morning so you’d be on time for once. But the wannabe preacher turns the 7am trolley into his daily congregation.  You stared out the window, arms folded across your chest.  At work, you answered nonstop demands via emails and phone calls from your boss who couldn’t be bothered to mutter hello as he sauntered to his office, pinging away.  Rubbing the back of your neck on your commute home, you said silent prayers that the hoodlums jumping around like apes don’t knock your head into the window.  You need a glass of wine.

Raising your shaky hands up to the cupboard doors, you discover it’s empty. All of your goblets are in the dishwasher still loaded with dirty dishes and a full detergent compartment.  You assumed that when your partner texted this morning saying that he ran the dishwasher before he left for work that he actually pressed the start button.

Before you warm up your tonsils for a proper row, you might want to reconsider. Will a shouting match get you what you want?  That might have been your parents’ communication style but it does nothing to create the solutions or intimacy that you’re looking for.

The key to effective communications lies in understanding the fears that drive men and women in a relationship. Women fear being alone and men fear being shamed.  That’s why we need to pay attention to the following when working it out with the ones we love:

TimingWhen you communicate is just as important as how.

Connection – There’s you, there’s your partner and there’s the relationship.  Focus on the relationship.

Patience – People aren’t perfect and need room to grow.  Learn how to give that space.

Tone – Words can be like vinegar or honey.  I’ll explain why to stick with the sweet stuff.

Binocular Vision – You know your perspective really well but are you considering your partner’s?  You’ll be surprised – and humbled – by the revelations.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll detail the importance of each and how we can use them on a daily basis. The methods are less painful than you think.  Well, maybe your ego will suffer a bruise or two but what’s that compared to domestic harmony?

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P.S. How do you like the new look here at A Desi New Yorker?

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