Taylor Swift from "Trouble" music video
Taylor Swift from “Trouble” music video

Here are some behaviors that typically brand a bad boy….and how you might rationalize them as appealing rather than as deal breakers (from Ali Binazir’s The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Irresistible):

He’s too fast.

1. He falls in love easily.
2. He declares affection prematurely, whether genuine or strategic.

You’re take on it: He’s spontaneous and loves life.
What’s really going on: He’s trying to get in your pants asap.
What’s in store if you date him: Last-minute plans and cancellations, irresponsibility, similar impulsive advances toward other women.

He’s too smooth.

3. From the start, he touches you early and often.
4. He’s overly generous with compliments.
5. Tries to get you away from your friends and alone.
6. Subtly or obviously pushes the boundary constantly of what’s appropriate or comfortable.
7. Tells well-rehearsed stories that are tailored toward making him look good, impressing you or getting you aggravated.
8. Is there enough melodrama on his part that you find yourself wondering if he should be on a Broadway stage?

You’re take on it: He’s romantic!
What’s really going on:
Intentionally seductive behavior is the biggest indicator that he’s an experienced player.
What’s in store if you date him:sexual infidelity, unreliability and quick emotional detachment once he gets what he wants from you.

He’s a thrill-seeker.

9. He rides a motorcycle , sky dives, takes all kinds of drugs, drinks heavily or goes out at least 5 times a week. Whatever he can do to meet that adrenaline rush.

You’re take on it: He’s got an exciting life that you want to be a part of.
What’s really going on: Chronic thrill-seeking is a sign of immaturity and recklessness. Please don’t confuse this with calculated risks that grown, responsible men are capable of making.
What’s in store if you date him: Fear, loneliness when he leaves you alone for his escapades, infidelity, irresponsibility, problems with the law.

He’s a maverick.

10. He lives by his own rules and ONLY by his own rules. “No one will be the boss of me.”

You’re take on it: He’s got a very strong sense of independence.
What’s really going on: Lack of consideration, anti-social behavior, which will sooner or later be shown toward you.
What’s in store if you date him: Inability to make plans, breaks plans if made, verbal abuse, insensitivity toward your needs and desires, financial stress.

He’s way too into himself.

11. He spends well beyond the normal amount of time on his appearance. Too slick and too disheveled are in the same boat. Again, we’re paying attention to extremes.

You’re take on it: He’s got style.
What’s really going on: Narcissism and vanity.
What’s in store if you date him: A player, self-absorption, and mistreatment.

He’s evasive.

12. He can’t give you a straight answer about personal questions – dating, women in his life, length of relationships, etc.
13. He lies to you even once for reasons that are not altruistic.

You’re take on it: He’s mysterious and intriguing.
What’s really going on: He’s hiding something.
What’s in store if you date him: Lies, distrust, unreliability.

His pad is too chic or too messy.

14. He’s created an ambiance in his apartment that would make it difficult for any woman to leave making you question how many have come before you…and how many will after?
15. His apartment is in such a state of chaos. If he can’t give any consideration to his living space, how much more will he give you?

You’re take on it: He’s either got good taste or has a charming boyish disorder (really?!).
What’s really going on: He’s a player.
What’s in store if you date him: sexual infidelity, unreliability and quick emotional detachment once he gets what he wants from you.

He’s inconsiderate.

16. He doesn’t give you advance notice when he makes plans.
17. He doesn’t call ahead of time to let you know he’s running late.
18. He doesn’t offer to pay when he invites you out.
19. He doesn’t inquire about your sick mother when you said she was sick. He doesn’t inquire when YOU were sick!

You know what consideration looks like. Any one of these things is not a big deal, but a whole series of them is a red flag that he’s no good.

You’re take on it: He just really loves his independence.
What’s really going on: He’s a douche bag.
What’s in store if you date him: Inability to make plans, breaks plans if made, verbal abuse, insensitivity toward your needs and desires, financial stress

He’s indecisive.

20. He sits on the fence with every decision he has to make.
21. He comes to you when he has to make every decision.

Being able to decide means being able to lead, be responsible, have power. A man who can’t make decisions is powerless. It’s what distinguishes boys from real men.

You’re take on it: He’s sensitive and considerate.
What’s really going on: He’s spineless and weak.
What’s in store if you date him: Frustration and ruined plans.

He’s too available or very selective with his availability.

22. If he’s always available to see you, he may be unemployed or desperate.
23. If he’s too selective with his availability, he may be married.

You’re take on it: He’s a busy, important man or he’s just really, really, into you.
What’s really going on: He’s got too many or too few options.
What’s in store if you date him: A man who will never be able to commit or will be too attached to you.

 

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